Today went really well. I am wondering if the residual from our great day yesterday is to blame for it, but my kids didn't really put me to the test today. But, I was really up beat and always kind when I talked to them. So interesting. A few times when my 4 yr. old shrieked (he can really shriek and it drives me bonkers) at his brother, my first emotion was annoyance. But, it is getting easier to just put that aside because it isn't an option. So, I tried really hard to keep it light. "What's up Logey?" Let him talk. "oh, well, I think there is a better way to deal with it, don't you." and a hug. It changed him. He just lightens up and giggles. I am loving seeing his true self come through. I am a lover of the Child Whisperer. If you haven't read it, I think you should. It has changed how I see people and relationships completely. I love it! So, I know my Type 1 child needs light and silliness to be happy. The second things turn heavy, his inner beast comes out. Speaking softly and kindly to him has completely changed the energy he gives off. He was so dang fun today. And I'll be honest, I haven't been enjoying him lately and it was making sad and I was constantly feeling guilty that I did not want to be around him. I was not in a good place regarding him. The last two days, he is just making me so happy. He is so funny and sweet. But, all because I am not the dark cloud mommy I was being to him. And, another testament to me that, DANG IT, NOW I REALLY KNOW IT IS ME! It's kind of annoying to realize this. It's like when you realize that the answer really is always exercise. So depressing. All this time I have been trying to justify to myself that my kids were forcing me to yell because they were being so naughty. Deep down I knew it wasn't them. But some days, I let myself ignore the angel on my shoulder telling me that it was how I was acting that was bringing out their beastiness. I brushed her off and told myself I was allowed to blow when they really got irritating, because they know better than to push me to that point. I hate it when I deceive myself. So, anyway, today was awesome. I truly enjoyed my kids today. Things they said were funnier, cuter, sweeter. So, tomorrow as I continue my challenge, I will add the new interrupting technique and see if that helps lessen my rage. I definitely have realized I need to try to focus on getting rid of the things that set me off. I can't get rid of them all, but I have been surprised at how many I do have control over as I have paid closer attention. More on that another day though. I need my sleep if I am going to tame the beast within tomorrow!
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