A few things that were confirmed, once again, today.
Here are a few things I remembered by trying to be a better mom today.
#1- My kids’ behavior is directly correlated to my behavior-
Today, I had to wake my kids for swimming lessons. Days of swimming lessons usually begin with me hurrying them along to make it on time. They are not typically happy mornings. My kids don’t like to be rushed. Today was different. I was so afraid to fail at my challenge today that I woke up knowing I had to pull out all of the stops. My very volatile 4 year old is fun and silly and loves to play. That is what makes him happy. So, I took our 14 month old girl down to his room and let her wake him up. I knew a slobbery baby kiss would make him giggle and wake up happily. Sure enough. He giggled as she playfully kissed (licked) his face all over. Boom, crisis averted. He was happy and willing to submit to my sweet request to go potty and get into his swimming suit. My six year old is slightly less volatile, but still got a big hug and an I love you to help get his spirits up and start the day off right. He came back for a few extra hugs when he realized I was giving them out so freely. Both kids totally ate up my sweetness. I felt a few twinges of sadness as I realized how much it affected them and how they were so happy and sweet. It was so easy and it completely changed our day. I heard “I love you” about 10 times before breakfast. Heart twinge again. Dang it, it really is me! It’s not them! Yeah, they lose their cool over some things I think are silly, but for the most part, it is my snapping and ordering them around (often without even realizing I'm doing it) that feeds their negative feelings and actions. Their inner beast only comes out when it has to come out to battle my inner beast.
#2- When I ask things sweetly, I almost always get a sweet reply- “A soft answer turneth away wrath” Boy is that true. I realize it every time I commit to be a better parent...then I forget it, and it all starts over again. I am not going to forget it this time dang it! This morning I asked my kids to go potty and get their swimming suits on in an almost sickeningly sweet voice. It wasn't sickening them. They responded like champs and did it with very little prodding. I had to keep them on track with gentle reminders (which is usually another place I fail, I turn into dictator mom and demand that they comply with my orders. They resist because they don’t want to be dictated to and then it heats up and I explode.) I completely averted this common crisis by simply talking sweetly. Talking sweetly, in turn, helped me be more willing to let them go at their pace. I was more understanding of why they were moving slowly or what they were trying to do that I was interrupting. I took more time to listen. So, it isn’t just that they jumped right in and did it perfectly, although they did it WAY faster and more happily than every other morning, it was also that I was more patient by virtue of my kinder tone. Interesting how that works, isn’t it.
#3-I don't have to think about anything except the very moment I am in. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking that I have to be up beat and sweet every single minute of every day with my kids. Today, I just took it minute by minute and it was not hard.
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