Last year about this time...

It seems as though all of my friends are having babies about now and lately I have been thinking so much about the birth of sweet little Logan. It is something I think about daily, but the fact that it was a year ago and the season and everything is just bringing it all back to me. It has affected me more than I ever though it could. I find myself wanting to relive it (I know, it sounds crazy) to remember exactly how I made it through something that I wasn't sure I could do. When he was born I did a post about the labor and birth, but it hadn't fully set in at that point. I am just really grateful for the experience I was able to have and find myself wanting to write more about it so I don't forget the feelings I have. I want to remember how Dan was right by my side every minute of my nine hour labor. I want to remember how he kept telling me I was doing great and that I could do it. I want to remember that during transition I made sure Dan got the candy cane kisses out of my bag and gave them to the nurse so that she would take good care of me. I want to remember that Dan laughed but did as he was told and got them. I want to remember being really glad that she had never had a candy cane kiss and loved them (I know, wierd, but it made me happy and distracted me). I want to remember that the nurse I got was exactly the nurse I was supposed to have. I want to remember that my midwife was out of town and the midwife who delivered Logan was a gem and I will continue to go to her from now on. I want to remember that the midwife did not believe I had not had a natural childbirth before and told me it was top 10 births. (I am guessing she tells everyone that, but good for her, because it is exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.) I want to remember that most of the labor was at home and quiet in my dimly lit bedroom. I want to remember that I felt in control through ALMOST all of it. I want to remember how in love I was with my husband that day and how in love with me he was. Don't get me wrong, we love each other every day, but we felt it more than ever that day. I want to remember that I said, "I don't think I can do this" and my sweet nurse said, "you already did it, you are at a 9." I want to remember the pure joy of seeing Logan and knowing that I had done it. I want to remember still being in pain and not caring at all because I was holding my baby. I want to remember every little bit of it. I think a natural childbirth is like a marathon. People ask why you do it (for the record, I will never run a marathon) and think you are crazy. But those of us who don't run a marathon never get to have that experience of crossing the finish line and knowing that your body is amazing and you can accomplish something so great, I am okay with that. I think there are lots of things like that in life. Lots of things we will be fine without doing, but if we do them we will have experiences like no other. This one was worth it to me. I am so grateful I had the desire to do it and was able to do it. It doesn't ever offend me when I hear people say, "that's crazy, why would anyone do that, it's pointless," because I know exactly why and I know that it was not pointless...and I kind of like that only I know what I got out of it....and I say that about my sis who amazingly runs marathons so I would be a jerk if I got offended. Life is such an interesting little journey. I love my family.