My Best Mothering Advice.......

So, as most of you know, I am VERY passionate about mothering/parenthood/nurturing and that kind of stuff. I think most moms are, but I happen to have lots of opinions too. I have a fear that when I give my opinion about motherhood other mothers are feeling judged and bugged by the fact that I give my opinion so freely. This is what I have a degree in, this is what I did for a job and do for a job now and this is what I love and will someday study more of. So, I am sorry for anyone who has ever felt that way, I know I have and I hate it. However, I feel the need to share my opinions and just get my feelings out and hope that anyone reading this will take it for what it is....a blog post about how I nurture my babes for my own record and for anyone who is looking for a different perspective or feeling like I did when I had my baby...clueless. I am so grateful for my friend who started me on my path to discovering the best way to care for my kiddos. Allie had a little girl before I had any children and I appreciated the way she was doing things. So, when I had Mason, I decided I would start to really study and research and ask questions instead of go with mainstream America's idea of nurturing. I have started on a road that is making me and my hubby happy and content and I think is making my kids happy and content too. I have only just begun my journey as a mother but this is what I know.....

Breastfeeding is amazing for health and for bonding and forces you to take time out to hold your baby and just sit with them. I firmly believe that that is why they are attached…no cleaning while you feed (unless of course you are really good at multitasking, I am not). Sometimes I do wish that daddy had the equipment, but whatever.

Sometimes people can't or don't want to nurse. That doesn’t mean you lose all the benefits. Why not mimic breast feeding by holding your baby close to you each time you feed them.

Lots of books and people will give you all of their opinions on parenting without actually doing any research at all about how that particular technique will affect your child.

You are the very best gauge for what your child needs and doesn't need.

You don’t need to start feeding your baby food at 6 months. There is no reason other than Gerber wants some more of you money. If you think it will make your child not like food when they get older, that is a myth. My 2 year old eats anything and everything and he didn’t start really eating full meals until 15 months.

Babies are not supposed to sleep through the night right off. Some do...bless them! But it isn't the norm, so change your expectation and just assume you will be up for the first year or longer. Frustration at night is lessened when you change your expectations of what is appropriate for a baby.

Babies need comfort. If they are crying, they need something, even if it is just to be held. That's okay. It won't last forever and you won't spoil them.

If it feels really wrong, it probably is. When a baby is crying by themself and you run to your room to cry (I have done it) because you can't stand it...it is probably something telling you that you might want to try another way. That night, my hubby and I agreed that wasn’t going to work for us. Best decision we ever made…aside from the whole marrying and having kids thing.

Don't feel pressure to do something because your pediatrician or mother-in-law says it's time.

If it seems completely irrational or like it goes against common sense, it probably is and does.

Carry your baby as much as you can (a wrap will make that much easier). Heck, my almost 3 year old sometimes wants to be in the wrap around the house. I’m cool with that.

But, if I had to give one piece of advice to a new mom, it would be to pray about every single tiny little thing. Pray about sleep time, pray about when and how to get shots, pray about feeding, pray about discipline. You will be led to the parenting style that is right for you.

So, here are my thoughts on how America got where we are now:

I think with the individualizing of America (we tend to worry about what is best for us and forget the whole group), I think we have lost sight of what nurturing a child is and what the end goal is and that there might actually be a reason we have boobs other than attracting men and catching crumbs. We have created so many contraptions to make caring for a baby easier and we have made those contraptions the norm. We have swings that actually mimic a mother rocking her baby so that we don't have to, bouncers, bottles and formula as the norm, car-seats that we use to tote the baby and let them sleep in and hang out in....oh and for safety in the car too :). I am not saying I have never used or even think you shouldn't use those things, but it is just part of how we have evolved as nurturers. We spend months before the baby is born making their nursery (a room completely separate from anyone else) perfect and cute. We buy every little baby thing on the market to prepare to care for this child. When the baby arrives, we are advised to hand them off to the nurse so mom can get some rest. When the baby hits 11 lbs. (who the heck threw that number out there anyway) we are advised that the baby should sleep through the night. We are advised that they will be just fine without any food and that we can start thinking about sleep training them so mom and dad can get their rest because that is really important. Some advise not to rock your baby to sleep because then they will depend on you rocking them forever and you do not want to get trapped in that, right? I think it has just happened over time and we didn't even realize how it might be affecting our babies. Babies don’t need all those things, they need you.

Mothering is the absolute perfect refining tool. It increases our patience, it forces us to endure really hard things, it makes us experience physically and emotionally what we never thought we could endure. It forces us to forget ourselves and worry about something more important, but sometimes I think all of these mainstream American techniques and devices allow us to avoid some of those lessons and deprive our kids of the nurture that they not only deserve, but that will help them thrive most effectively. Anyone who studies child development will tell you that the first five years of a child's life are critical in who they become. These are the years when a child's brain is developing and growing like no other time in their life. These are the years when a child is developing the trust and bond that will largely determine the trust and bond that they have with their parents, friends, spouses forever. A child is essentially establishing their foundation in those first few years (this isn't just psycho babble, go check it out in a text book or scholarly journal). I don't know about you, but I want to build that foundation with all of the very best tools even if it means I miss out on some sleep or have to give up my evening so I can rock a baby to sleep. I know it will get harder as we have more kids and I may not be able to do things exactly like I have planned or hoped or done things to this point, but I am sure going to try...and when I can't, I am not going to beat myself up about.

Ahh, that felt good. I don’t know if I will publish this on my blog or not. I know people will think I am over the top, judging them, unrealistic, but I’m cool with that. It sure does feel good to get out exactly why I do what I do and it will be nice for my kiddos to know how much effort I really did put in (for the first few atleast :))